A Sabbatical

I love my blog it might not be as inspiring as some I love to visit but I enjoy writing it and taking time to look for things for it – so you all know its serious when I say I wont be blogging over the next 2 weeks at least.

Confusion over dates for assignments means I have more to hand in before the end of may than I thought – some still can be handed in for the August deadline but so much to do – problems with hours or lack of them basically has meant it has been impossible to do any preparation so now its all systems go.

I put a new poem on   Poohs poetry corner  and thats me till at least these are handed in before the end of may.

Much love and prayers to all my bloggy friends xxx

What If?


Psalm 9:10 (NIV)

10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.


Who here worries about things? Who’s a worry wart?

What about?

Well you know Im guilty as well I worry loads recently it was about college.
If I don’t get enough placement hours what going to happen?

What if I cant sit my exams and do my assignments­ I have to do so many before I can
What if I cant help my clients ?
What if I let them down.?

For some of you it may be lots of things maybe

What if you don’t get the job- don’t have enough to pay bills etc

Well you know its not a problem to ask questions about your life and the world around you – If you look in the bible its full of people asking sometimes very hard questions.

But it can become a problem when the What if question is asked out of fear or doubt instead of trust.

Fear is nasty Nick whispering in you hear trying to gain a foot hold in your life.
The real issue is what’s behind the question?

What does it mean to trust?

The dictionary says it is : to place somebody or something in the care of another person or the belief that you can trust someone or something

How hard is that?

That’s a really stuff challenge for all of us , especially if you have trusted someone In the past and then have let you down

But its different with God

God doesn’t lie
God doesn’t change his mind
God doesn’t let us down

Numbers 23:19 (NIV)

19 God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?


When we decide to trust God with our future and the decisions we are saying to him

God I’m placing my life into your care I’m choosing to trust that whatever I face a challenge or decision I will follow your lead. I know you are watching over me

Trusting God takes the weight of worry and fear off our shoulders so next time you start to think what if – stop and choose to trust God


Genesis 22:1-12 (NIV)

Genesis 22

Abraham Tested

1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.

2 Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”
“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.
“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

8 Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.

12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

Hiding from depression

I guess one of the problem’s with counselling if a client presents a problem which is real to you , something that has happened to you in the past and maybe you haven’t dealt with it completely and you start looking at their issue from your perspective.

Anyway its no secret that I have suffered from depression in the past and even when I have been well it has hung over me like a black shadow waiting to descend. I have shared how my friends prayed for me recently with regards to my back and that has been great – thank you Jesus . But I have also been ‘well’ its as if the black shadow has gone completely – I’m not waiting for it to descend .

Anyway back to the counselling something was said to me recently which brought back a memory of my own depression of when I was truly lost to it . How I wanted to call out for someone to see my misery and yet being afraid that people would actually see in me my despair -wanting help but been afraid that people would then see me as a depressed person- does that make sense I hope it does – anyway I dealt with these feelings evoked and wrote an entry on Poohs poetry corner called I am here

The ebb and flow

The ebb and flow of life

Each day brings forth joy and sorrow


Constant like each wave

That tosses me back and forth


Constant is my Fathers love

That never lets me go


Constant is his forgiveness

Never ending


Constant is his strength

As he carries my burden


Lifting me in his joy

Surrounding me in his love


In a crowded space
Im feeling alone
Is anybody listening?
Is anybody there ?

I don’t like this place
I feel Helpless, tied
unable to move
All I can do
is stop and stare

Is any one aware?
The pain within
I feel like a child
small and alone

And then I am lifted high
held close and tight
safe and secure
By My Lord, My God


For lots of people memories of childhood bring back sunny days, picnics , playing in the park. Feeling safe , loved , cuddles and laughter. But for some its a dark , frightening place that we would rather not revisited- I hate going back

Praise be to the God and Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion
and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those
in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves
have received from God.
2 Corinthians 1:3, 4


Your words are like Autumn touched by the sun
With fire and spirit, lots of love held within.

Winter waiting for your direction
anticipation, hope and longing

Promises of springtime, afresh and new
After the winter which are all due

Like a childhood of endless summer
Your strength and wisdom continues
For ever.

I Need A Hug

I need a Hug
Climb up upon my lap
Scrambling upon your knee, I snuggle in close
eyes shut tight
Tell me your trouble, whats wrong my child
Pulling me close I feel comfort and right
I take a breathe my heart is heavy
Nothings going right, I dont know what to do .
You listen and nod as I whinge and I cry
Trust me its fine
everything will be alright
Its just takes time leave it with me
And don`t worry
Thanks for listening
Thanks for being here
You smile as I go
I turn as you say
Anytime, Im always here
Ive been here even
befor time began


I want to be reborn
Like snowdrops pure and white
To feel your hand in my remaking
New hope with every form

I want to bathe in your warmth
To feel your calm embrace
Feeling secure and guided
Held strong and safe

I want to be like leaves in autumn
Blowing the way you choose
I want to be like a branch
Bending to your will

I want to be so still
Listening to your voice
Like a frosty winter morn
Your breath upon my face


A Good Shake

These last few days have been difficult and stressful so tempted to hide. to run away . Time however to give myself a shake , dust myself down and get on with it. Funny how the devil always tries to kicks you when your down. This is the time to cling to God and lean on him. We are so weak but with him all things are possible.

Awesome Father all around
guiding leading, never leaving
giving strength ,filling hope

Holy Father all within
Protecting not neglecting
Taking burden, giving peace

Loving Father, all forgiving
Always there, never far
showing me how much you care

xxx gill xxx

Not Worthy

I cant do it,
cant be strong
The burdens too heavy,
the road is too long
Useless and weak
Not worthy at all
I don’t know were to begin
Don’t even know how
What if people depend on me
And I let them downGod,
I know what your saying
I know you don’t lie
But Im useles and weak
Not worthy at all
xxx gil xxx

In Pain And Fed Up

Feeling a major attack of panic. Panic that what Im getting involved in is too much, that I wont be able to cope and Im going to let people down.Feeling I didnt act as moderator one the site in the way I should have .Had a meeting last night for YF it starts on Sunday worry about lack of organisation and committment of our leader.Maybe its because I dont feel well and Ive got the most incredible toothache which I may have to put up with ages. I have to be referrred to the school of dentistry and they have to in turn get in touch with my consultant in the Haemophilia ward whch treats my thrombyctapenia. Im on medication for infection around my tooth no sign of improvement and I taking way to many painkillers .

Caught up in the headlights

Not knowing where to run

caught up in the healights

Trying to find a place to hide

Afraid to try

Afraid to fail

I shout “why ! Why me? ”

“ Because I love you , because I care”

God wants me in the sunlight

He wants me to shine

Ano more hiding in dark corners

Always on the run.




Dear FatherPlease take away my doubts
Show trust in your judgement
Fill me with your Holy spirit
Let your spirit shine through


Originally I believed that to forgive someone who had wronged me , meant that first they had to ask for forgiveness. be sorry for they had done. But how often does that happen and in this case it wasn’t likely too.So I carried the hurt around it ate away at me , casting a shadow over everything that was good in my life. I realised that this wasn’t enough and by asking God to help me forgive them it released me from the pain and guilt.Still didn’t feel closure, felt better but still not right. Why ? It wasn’t enough that I had let go of feelings of hate and resentment, it wasn’t enough that I had forgiven . I had to wish them well- Gulp how do I do that ? So hard Once again I wasn’t strong enough om my own, so just as I had prayed Father help me forgive I prayed a new prayer;
Father help me pray for their salvation.
Still I didn’t mean it so still I kept asking for help. There wasn’t a sudden revelation just one day I realised I really did want this person to turn to God and to be saved.

Luke 6:27-28 “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited

Holding on not letting go
Festering not forgiving
Restlessness instead of release
Waste instead of joy
xxx dishywinnie xxx

What People See?

Do people see what I see
Do people stop and stare
Do people see the shadow
Still, but lurking there
Do people feel its presence
Its breath upon my neck
Do people hears its footsteps
Quietly , following still
Or do they see God`s holy presence
And feel his warm embrace
Do they hear his loving comments
And sense his helping hands
Do they see his living presence
And see his work in me
Shaping moulding changing
I pray to God they do

August 21 2005

Casting Aside Self Doubt

Had such a promising meeting last night regarding work within my church have been asked work closely with families. We have arranged some events for the next couple of months. Felt such excitement then came home and was filled with doubts about myself. This is Satan filling my head , he doesnt want me working for the Lord cause he loses. But I have to do whatever I am required by my Father in Heaven . He has always been there for me

I needed Love and you where there
I needed hope and you where there
I needed strength and you where there
Where were you when I failed
Where were you when I Let you down
Where were you when I turned my back
I turn around and still you are there
xxx gil xxx
And I have to trust that if this is the path he intends for me he will give me what I need to learn, grow and change .

Proverbs 3:13-14
Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding,
for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold