The last couple of days have been a real rollercoaster of emotions . Stress, panic , helplessnes to name a few. The tiredness has caught up with me and I wish I could crash out for a week but hey this may be blog land but its still real life.
So whats been happening well I did managed to hand in all my assignments for college probaly about 14000 words in total – probaly more seeing as I went over on several of them. Glad i didnt do them in order cause the last couple maybe were’nt as good so they are tucked in the middle . Panic set in and I just had to finish whatever. Funny thing the last night I was up to near 2 in the morning , so was a college friend and we were texting eaching other – did think afterwards we were both on our pc’s both with internet access so why we didnt e-mail or msn I have no idea brain cells had died I guess.
Major upset among some of my closest internet friends, people i have grown as close to as people I have in real live- actually closer to some , met them all in the summer planned to meet up with them again this summer.
What do you do when 2 people you care about fall out and it ripples through everything , what do you do when you try and help resolve it and it doesnt work. Am I too easy going ,to accepting of others , warts and all. Does it make me weak. I just realise that we dont always get what we want that the apologie wanted and got may not be just as we wanted it. The eyes may be the window of the soul but sadly it doesnt mean people can see in and see the hurt and pain we hold inside- I wish they could make it much easier to understand each other dont you think ? When people hurt me or do something I look to see what is behind it ( except poor Dh)- Gosh hope it doesnt make me sound perfect Im so not. For years I waited, expected hoped for my Mother to turn up and say sorry – well guess what she didnt and i dont think she ever will. The closure i wanted never happened- at the end of the day she had issues i dont understand and never will . But i left it with God and he has it now along with all the other baggage I gave him- hes still waiting for the rest.
So what can I do – nothing? No I can pray for those I love and for those who are hurting- quite a lot when you think about it.