I don’t often comment on news events but the trouble in Burma is on my mind a lot – we are blessed in the west with living within a democratic system – we may not always agree with our government but we have the right to vote- the right to at least attempt to change those things we do not agree with- the right to speak out . However in Burma this is not the case – the scenes we have seen on our news this past while is not the truth – the press have not been allowed to witness and broadcast the complete horror that is going on ,while those who live in fear under the Burmese dictatorship try to peacefully protest again those who hold on to power using the threat of violence and those in the west look on .Would they look on if Burma was more important , if it was better strategically placed- if it had oil ? I wonder?

please pray for those who are unable to enjoy the same freedoms and rights that we take so much for granted .


You know one of the things I like about the blogging world is how topic and lines of thought can be shared /discussed across the net – things evolve and adapt – One persons thoughts sending a ripple through out blog land I found an interesting post about self -esteem over at Autumns which has given me plenty to ponder on . As you know I recently posted a poem on self-esteem and have been thinking a lot and have blogged a little recently about how I have been changing inside – Looking and seeing my self differently -little things that on the surface seem unimportant but underneath means a lot .

I suppose you could say my self-esteem has risen -is this a bad thing -Could be- if I was being consumed by self- importance and seeing my needs as more important than others. I guess I’m learning to love myself a little and accepting that “For God so loved the world …….doesn’t actually include in brackets( except me)- No Im not worthy- never will be – but a rather imperfect Christian ,I need to do better need to focus better on him-often Im too easily distracted but you know I’m learning that I’m not a bad Mum -I could be better- I’m not an awful wife, daughter , sister etc – but I could be better – God puts value on my roles I need to accept that value-otherwise am I saying I know better? I can see it in others and yet struggle to see itin myself and yet if I do that easily then am in danger of being consumed by self-importance – so humbly, with Gods grace I can whisper I’m not the terrible person that I thought I was but that’s on a good day I still have a way to go –

I think God wants us to have a little self esteem to reach our earthly potential , to listen and follow his plan for us , the wonderful thing about this is he did not want us as slaves , he gave us free will so that we would willingly be with him , to share and give are lives freely – and just as we encourage our children to work and improve our heavenly Father encourages us too .I have no doubt that without him I would have ended up following a different path -one a member of my close family has taken -the only difference between us is a big difference God

I like the saying

God 1st, Others 2nd, Self last…

As a Christian easy to believe not so easy to practice . Its very easy to over commit our selves to helping others – helping others is good but if it uses up all our time they become 1st and where is God- certainly not our number 1, if we don’t practice a little self care then its not long before we have nothing left to give and again God gets very short changed.


God 1st, Others 2nd, Self last…

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” – Anne Lamott from Traveling Mercies

I read this quote on a forum – I can really relate to it- let me know if it means anything to you.

I used to think that part of the healing process and with it forgiveness meant forgetting it. Discarding it from my life like an old coat that I didn’t need any more and not visiting that painful place again .If I did I had failed yet another failed attempt to move on.

I think I got so used to carrying the pain that I protectively clung to it refusing to let go- that’s how I feel about it at the moment anyway.

But I am not the bad memories, the painful events – it does not define me – true it is an important part of who I am – who we all are. It is that and all the other events in my life that have moulded me to who I am now – to who God has shaped me to become.

Firstly there has to be a commitment to move on – to say that I will not allow events to hang round my neck like a noose any more- To hand it to God and to stop taking it back every time something resurfaces. Its bound to – when ever any of us face a trauma it leaves an imprint and yes wouldn’t it be great if it was completely forgotten but this is real life – its there and learning to acknowledge it as part and parcel of ourselves without dwelling on it , without allowing its shadow to hover around us. And not being afraid to look at this events occasionally if anything brings it back instead of stuffing it into the back of the underwear drawer until one day you realise you cant close the drawer and it all spills out in a terrible mess that is overwhelming.


As Christians we are called to forgive those who have wronged us because if we don’t then how can we ask Our Father to forgive us.

Matthew 6:15 says

But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Luke 6:35

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

If we don’t forgive it festers inside continuing to cause more distress, rarely causing pain to those we do not forgive but causes so much unhappiness to ourselves and those around us- Gods grace is sufficient and the peace restored worth the battle.

Matthew 5:7

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

And I think we all struggle with those re-offenders- , those who hurt us again and again – how many second chances are we required to give

Matthew 18:21-22

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.


Its been a rough week –sigh .Just as well college was cancelled at the last minute really don’t think my brain could engage fully . Sounds like they don’t have enough tutors to cover all the counselling courses – Now why doesn’t that surprise me – simply its not the first time since I started this has happened. Ok things do go wrong – out side of peoples control but at this stage I just want to get over it with the least fuss possible – Very sad to her that one of our tutors has moved on – A lovely man who I have learnt a lot from – not content just to teach us the theory he really gave himself too. Pity in a way I know him I think I would have got a lot out of some personal therapy with him- obviously I cant .

Completed a truly awful task at last – some times you have a duty to preform which although is the correct thing to do – its upsetting and painful for all concern , all you can do is give it to God and take direction from him. But I feel like I have been pulled through one of those old fashioned mangles.

Ds2 had settled in to school well , a few tears and clinging to me one day but happily he had moved on ans seems happy in his new environment.I do think that schools and teachers expect too much too quickly from little ones and focus on the class as a whole – important to remember that then are all little individuals.

Realisation has sunk in that this is it , summer ( or the lack of it ) is over and we are ever moving on to a new season more changes and with it my children forever growing up. I think Ds1 had a fair point when he told me the other night that I had to remember he is nearly 16- gulp when did that happen when did he stop being my little boy who wanted kisses and cuddles – I assure you he must be giving them to someone else cause I cant remember the last time I got a hug from him- I do try and sneak up on him occasionally but he’s wise to me now

Oh well better go and make the tea -spare ribs and baked potatoes

I have to confess to having doubts about the use of collage as therapy- Seems quite new age and strange- How could a planned piece of work show insight and understanding to self. How could it be used to help a client find insight to themselves. I`d so wished that I didn’t have to go to the Art in therapy course this weekend -I’m in a bad place – its not a good time- too much to do . In fact I was in exactly the right place – I have learnt so much about myself this weekend and have gained a certain amount of inward peace . No nothings changed I’m standing on the same spot , I have the same things to face that I wanted to run away from on Friday but it feels a little bit easier and I feel I have taken a little step in coping better.

A blessing on the self

May the light of your soul mind you.


May all your worry and anxiousness about yourself be



May you be given wisdom for the eye of the soul.

To see this beautiful time of harvesting.


May you have the commitment to harvest your life,

To heal the hurt what has hurt you, to allow it to come

Closer to you and become one with you.


May you have great dignity , may you have a

Sense of how free you are,

And above all may you be given the wonderful

Gift of meeting the eternal light

And beauty that is within you.


May you be blessed, and may you find a wonderful love

In yourself, for yourself.

Taken from Anam Cara


Not ready to use what I learnt with others yet , so much more to continue with on my own but I have learnt that we spend so much time chasing our tails , worrying , wondering about everything else that is going on in this crazy world that as well as focusing on God our wonderful creator – its good to pause and take a little peak inside oneself. T o take stock of the good and the bad because together we are more complete.



isle of alone soul


Ok for the last two years I have said exactly the same thing- over the summer I am going to visit other Church’s . My Church appear to grind to a complete standstill over the summer – that’s not exactly true the tradition remains- things we say because we always have -not necessarily because of scripture or sometimes just because we have. We recite something I actually call Tedious- at present cant remember its real name . How awful is that-

It does nothing to bring me closer to God – God is light , refreshing , he lifts me – for me this is anything but- I do listen to quiet music at times – bless the Lord -Taize is something that really helps to bring about a sense of peace before I spend time quietly with God

Bless the Lord, my soul, and bless God’s holy name.

Bless the Lord, my soul, who leads me into life.

I love spending time with God quietly often inside my head , recently the psalms have come to mean so much more to me – just don’t ask me to sing them to music written 200 years ago – its like it puts a barrier between me and the words- between me and God. I know so many feel the same away with regards to how I feel to a more modern service – the thought of having to sit through what I enjoy a complete nightmare. Why it doesn’t work for me I don’t know .

So why do I hesitate – because I’m afraid – afraid that if I visit a Church that I find is rich and diverse I will find it so much harder to go back – that maybe 2 weeks in the month is not enough – the possible difficulties with my Dh who was brought up in a similar Church to the one we attend and my friends in Church- the fact we are so involved in things – the sound system , youth fellowship . Also if everyone who feels like I do and there is many – twice a month we have over 200 people coming to our 10`clock service many new members- what happens – change? no everything remains the same – I don’t believe that those great Ministers of past – who thought that they were bringing the gospel in a fresh way expected us to be doing it the same way hundred of years later- I think they are slowly turning in their graves- so too speak- I want to be respectful to Our Father but to talk to him almost as my best and most faithful friend and I certainly don’t thee and thou them
I`ll probaly copy and paste this  next year.